age
September 2008 
I'm at the age where...
Posted on Aug 20th, 2008
by 
tamettao
tamettao
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for August 20, 2008:
physically, as a woman, I'm over the other side of the menopausal mountain.
A friend stopped to chat in the street on her way to have a smear test, and spoke of the pain of speculums after the oestrogen rush is over...I'm at an age where I knew what she meant!
I was reading David Deida - (live now, love now, we're all meat-bags heading for decay and death). I was thinking that as a woman there's another D to watch out for - 'dessication' - aah the journey of ageing...Dessication, Decay and Death..hmmm. (Gratitude for natural projesterone/oestrogen creams).
So I wonder about the 'Juice' - yes, heart juice, love juice seems accessible at any age. I'm at an age where opening to that is becoming ever more important. The journey of growth and spirit beckon - perhaps women are even programmed for this once fertility ends - hormones change, libido loosens it's grip (well, at least in my case) and allows space for...Spirit?
It would be interesting to know how old people FEEL. I've read some blogs - people of 40 feeling about 20. My inner experience of my age is often quite young - 18 maybe (I'm gonna be 50 next year). I asked my mom who is 75 and she said she felt quite young - about 20.
I know in the therapy room we can journey back to feeling the child again...
During retreat there was an interesting experience of connecting to a part of Self that was not so much older and wiser, but eternal and all-knowing. Consciousness isn't in time so doesn't age - that's a comfort!
A friend stopped to chat in the street on her way to have a smear test, and spoke of the pain of speculums after the oestrogen rush is over...I'm at an age where I knew what she meant!
I was reading David Deida - (live now, love now, we're all meat-bags heading for decay and death). I was thinking that as a woman there's another D to watch out for - 'dessication' - aah the journey of ageing...Dessication, Decay and Death..hmmm. (Gratitude for natural projesterone/oestrogen creams).
So I wonder about the 'Juice' - yes, heart juice, love juice seems accessible at any age. I'm at an age where opening to that is becoming ever more important. The journey of growth and spirit beckon - perhaps women are even programmed for this once fertility ends - hormones change, libido loosens it's grip (well, at least in my case) and allows space for...Spirit?
It would be interesting to know how old people FEEL. I've read some blogs - people of 40 feeling about 20. My inner experience of my age is often quite young - 18 maybe (I'm gonna be 50 next year). I asked my mom who is 75 and she said she felt quite young - about 20.
I know in the therapy room we can journey back to feeling the child again...
During retreat there was an interesting experience of connecting to a part of Self that was not so much older and wiser, but eternal and all-knowing. Consciousness isn't in time so doesn't age - that's a comfort!
Access: Public
It would be interesting to know how old people FEEL.
I wonder whether that's even a fair question? I'm sure every 'old person' feels like him or herself, and that some feel old and some feel young and some feel a thousand ages all at once. 'Old people' seems such a general category.
I'm not very old but sometimes I feel ancient. (Other times, of course, I feel about 12. :) For me it's ood to think of those who 'feel' themselves at around 18 or 20, as I feel internally around 40 or so, or maybe older. When I was 18 I was horrendously uncomfortable with who I was, and altogether lost and confused, and I'm so glad to no longer be in that state.
I loved this post, obviously. Thank you so much for those reflections… and I'd love to hear more about your thoughts on Deida.
Sometimes I feel about 20 and sometimes i feel so ancient I have no age and there's a tiniest sliver of something, I don't know what, separating the two.
Love, Jon x
Thanks for your comments -
Siona, yours made me feel/think more into the question of how old i feel - it's changeable, as you say, but there's a certain centre of gravity for me that's not so much about a specific age , but more to do with level of confidence/lack of it, openess to the new etc. that's age-associated for me i.e. I feel adult in that I know I'm responsible for my life, but I feel young-adult because I still feel a 'beginner' in so many ways, not knowing very much in the scheme of things (and this isn't about information, but gut-knowing)…but I wonder if this is more the egoic self? - it's definitely NOT awakened Self - in my taste of that there was supreme confidence in 'knowing what needed to be done', in movements of the body, in just 'no-doubt'…and age and time just weren't part of it. To be in that was a very blissful centre of gravity!
I'm glad you feel more comfortable with yourself than you did at 18!
I'm enjoying reading Deida - i find his insights linger in my mind, touch my heart…leave me with the sadness of homesickness for all the times my heart hasn't been wide open…
Hi Jon - yes - maybe feeling 20 is that sliver of the veil of self-referential ego (or self-curl as Deida calls it), that separates us from the no-age-eternal. i liked your blog on the difference between child-like and childish…
Love, Tam